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I’ve had many dating and relationship ‘surfers’ get in touch with me.

They’ve spent their time worrying about making a wrong move and thinking, and they haven’t really got anything to show for it, except for instead of being perennially dissatisfied with whether they can do better, they now feel dissatisfied with being dissatisfied, plus they become regretful and may even convince themselves that one of these people was ‘The One’.

My friend asked him for suggestions about good spots for meeting single guys and after telling us that he and all of his friends were gay, he repeated what I’ve heard many times – that it’s very hard to meet guys and in fact, male or female, it’s difficult to lock down a relationship. It’s not like that summer jumpsuit that I found in the Anthropologie sale room in Houston, Texas last summer that I I hemmed and hawed about and then kicked myself for not snapping it up because I didn’t find it another store. Wondering if you can do better all the time, is a bit like when you sit down to watch TV but instead of choosing a programme, watching it and engaging in it, you spend the time surfing around on the off chance that there’s something better to watch.

It’s like you hate the idea that you might have missed out on viewing something better that would have left you as satisfied as you expect.

That and that future they keep considering and stalling decisions about, catches up with them and becomes the present, and then they dodge that too. If you’re asking yourself if you can do better than a relationship that isn’t mutually fulfilling and lacks love, care, trust, and respect as well as shared values and other landmarks? If you’re asking if you can do better and find someone who is more satisfying on secondary values like appearance, or how much money they have, or how much more IQ they can have, or whatever, you might want to consider whether it’s time to look a bit deeper and make sure you’re actually living your life congruent with values and seeking partners who you can actually forge a future with. No you might not have ended up with the people who you’ve cast aside for what on reflection may seem silly reasons or certainly not the life or death you thought they were back then, but each dating experience is actually an opportunity to positively learn about what you would like to find in another person and even understanding yourself (your values).

If you never discover because you’re too busy scoping out the market and being dissatisfied, how can you truly evaluate something?

Ever tried to have a conversation with someone or do something where your mind is elsewhere, or you’re constantly looking over your shoulder, or evaluating and analysing things?

Your mind isn’t where it’s supposed to be – in the present.

And you must TOLERATE how he only listens to half of what you tell him.Surfing through dating and relationships will leave you at a loss.Be satisfied with and value you, so that you can relax into your interactions instead of looking over your shoulder. Baggage Reclaim is a guide to learning to live and love with self-esteem by breaking the patterns that stand in your way.They keep looking to the future and fear making a decision that will lead to one possible ‘scary’ outcome even though they’re often only focusing on one and not considering others.In the meantime, they lack an appreciation for the present and miss out.

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