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For many of us, our first encounter with this idea was reading Joshua Harris’ book I Kissed Dating Goodbye.Each represents a woman that the groom dated and gave a piece of his heart to, before he had meet his bride.It’s a problem that will require all of our courage, confidence and creativity to solve.It’s a problem that affects many of our brothers in Christ—it might even be affecting you.You can just be thinking, I’d like to get to know this girl better, I should ask her on a date. We consider relationships for weeks or even months before making a move.If we start dating, we feel like the relationship has to be heading directly toward marriage.My concern is that we’re setting the wrong standards. Or maybe we aren’t concerned about whether a lady loves Gandalf as much as we do, but we do expect her to already be a saint.In addition to the above, we’re also looking for bubbly extrovert with a great physique, a successful career and all the same interests (“You’re on to your fifth re-reading of Lord of the Rings as well? Not only does she need to have all of the virtues listed in the first paragraph, she needs to have them all the time, never stumbling.

” It was the fall of 2001, and I was dropping off my date, Jenn[1], at her front door after our senior year homecoming dance. Earlier that year, in the wake of a previous heartbreak, my Christian mother had given me a copy of Joshua Harris’ book .

I did a year of missionary work after high school and was intentionally single throughout.

But what I’m getting at is that periods of singlehood should be defined by purpose, not by indecision.

) that we invited him onto our sister podcast, Blue Ocean World, to kick these issues around with Tom Wassink, Dave Schmelzer and guest co-host Leah Martens. Understandably, she wanted to have a frank discussion about the nature of our relationship. The reward for following the books’ precepts was a heavily-romanticized view of marriage, including the promise of amazing, earth-shattering sex on your wedding night, with God as your personal matchmaker.

Jenn and I had been friends for a while now, and we’d been spending a lot of time together since the beginning of senior year—getting flirtatious, growing more intimate, and generally appearing to the outside world, and to her, as a teenage couple in love. Harris’s solution, which he expounded upon in his follow-up book, , was “courting”—which was basically the same thing as dating, except that it was chaste to the point of being a-romantic, highly supervised by the couple’s parents, and singularly focused on evaluating someone as a potential life mate.

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It seems everyone's an expert on relationships and human behavior, or are they? Premature dismissals of someone are a one-way ticket to overlooking a potentially great love match. Instead, gradually reveal your inner thoughts, feelings, and personal story starting with light and casual then progressing to deeper, more intimate self-disclosures. When you acknowledge your wants and needs, it’s more likely you’ll land a lasting relationship. DON'T get lost talking about yourself and your past, including the mistakes, heartaches, who you were ten years ago or even in your last relationship.

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