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Or you caught yourself looking at a picture of the two of you and now you can’t stop thinking about your memories with him.Or you’re at a place that reminds you of him and it breaks your heart in half.He’s not in the right headspace for another relationship yet. If your date’s breakup occurred less than a month ago, you might want to step back and give him more time before you agree to pursue a relationship with him. And if he compares you to her as a form of negative motivation — her pancakes were better than yours, and her nails were always perfectly manicured — run. Whether he’s conscious of it or not, it’s manipulative to pit women against each other, even when one of them is, in theory, no longer part of his life.

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That’s why a lot of the time, we can we’re over an ex when we’re really not.

Memories and nostalgia are good things but getting lost in them can kill you. The more you talk about him, the more you’re thinking about him and (Well, if she cheated with my boyfriend, maybe I would.) But when a girl isn’t over her breakup, a lot of the time she’ll get approached by guys who are even better than her ex was – but she can’t stop herself from comparing them to her ex.

If you’re still thinking about the good times with him and getting emotional about it, you’re not over him. But if a few weeks or a couple months have gone by and you’re still talking about him – to your friends, to other guys, to your family – it means you’re not over him. It’s like she’s looking for these qualities in him she’s built up in her head.

Either way, if he won’t shut up about his ex-girlfriend, she’s still very much on his mind and he’s probably not ready for someone new. Yes, you’d expect your date’s ex to still be in his life if they share custody of a child (or dog), but outside of those more complicated commitments, if she’s still his best female friend — or he’s still her handyman/landscaper/emergency wedding date — raise that red flag. If, when his ex comes up in conversation, your date appears to be unhappy that she’s dating someone new, be careful.

If he’s trying “to win the breakup,” let him do so without you. Sometimes you meet a great person at the wrong time. If his compliments are all comparisons to his ex — you’re prettier, smarter or funnier than she was — she’s still the number-one woman on his mind. Wait for someone emotionally available and who can give you his full attention.

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