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“I tried to make jokes about my ex and was met with stony silence from all of them.Don’t they know what a turn-off that negativity is? They blab on and on about what they do, their past, and what qualities they find important in a life-long mate…and leave the other person no room to fit a word in edgewise.Everyone, especially at this point in their lives, has some romantic baggage in their closet, and it can be tempting to share your war stories while on a date. Even if your ex-spouse cheated on you or your last blind date was a total bomb, saying so on a date will only make you look bad.As Harold, 51, often complained to me, “My last four dates talked about their exes and how rotten they were,” he recalls.” So, the message to all singles is this: Quit worrying about what they’re thinking about you and ask yourself, what do want to know about them?Stuart, a 63-year-old widower, has two questions that have worked wonders for him: “What do you like to do for fun? ” It’s OK if you don’t always share every point you want to make.Harry, divorced at 57, told me this story: “I always wanted to be a good dancer.My ex complained that I wasn’t a strong enough leader and for once she was right,” he admitted.

But whether divorce or widowhood has thrown a wrench in that reverie, or you’ve just never found your special someone, many fifty-somethings do find themselves single—and sometimes a little worried about it.If you’re on the bashful side, think of it this way: The worst they can say is no. Case in point: John, 62, is dating a woman he met at the dry-cleaner.“I was reluctant to approach her for fear of sounding foolish.“I don’t want to look like my teenage son,” says Paul, 56.“But on the other hand, I want to look current.” The bottom line is, being comfortable in what you wear is essential.

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Boyfriends and girlfriends have come and gone, but my friends with benefits have stood the test of time. That’s longer than I predict my first marriage will last.

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