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Finally, she told me that there was an interne that she was attracted to. I told her that was great—the next time she ran into him in the corridors of the hospital she should thank him and offer—as thanks—to buy him a cup of coffee. “I can’t be forward that way.” The only time Sally relaxed a little was when she was drinking. She was depressed, but not with the vegetative signs of a major depression and therefore not likely to respond to drugs.She reported that she had not dated anyone for over a year. Yet she told me that she wanted to date and to marry. The reason I remember her was that she was extraordinarily beautiful.She had just taken a position at a hospital where I knew there were many young doctors who would be working alongside her.I expected that she was going to be pursued by a number of them. It took me a while to figure out why, Sally had become invisible.Although she had a cheery daydream about marriage in the back of her mind, she had in the front of her mind a different picture.

I tried to explain to her that being “neutral” would be perceived as being cold; but she seemed unable to change. Mary Ellen worked at IBM in a relatively senior post for a woman of thirty-four. She came to see me when she realized that she had not left her apartment during the entire two weeks of her vacation.“How can it be,” I asked her, “that you cannot find anyone to date? She said she wanted to get married and had been unsuccessfully looking for someone for years.” “The only men who come on to me are at work; and they are all married.” It turned out Mary Ellen never did anything or went anywhere—except to work. When she returned to work a few weeks later—and to her customary life—she stopped coming to see me. She had no trouble dating, but seemed to sour on men for no particular reason. Finally, she said to me: “You know, there are some disadvantages to getting married. Then I’m going to have to go home and cook dinner for someone else.Third, and probably most important, couples meet each other during shared activities, such as academic studies, or sports, or organized social activities, or at church.Having a particular interest makes someone interesting to someone who shares that interest. I carry around a list of about twenty dating sites which I can offer to patients who express an interest.

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