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Prodding your own emotional and physical needs will help you better communicate with the couples you meet up with and help push back against any potential misunderstandings. When you join a couple in the bedroom, you’re joining two people who are (at least, hopefully) honest and open with each other about sex.

They know what they want and they know what their partner wants.

But your needs, your desires, and importantly, your boundaries have not yet been a part of that conversation, and it’s up to you to make them clear.

You might be fulfilling a fantasy of theirs, but you’re not just there to serve, or to act as an accessory.

“But I’m also a sexual person.”She was familiar with the term “unicorn,” thanks to her involvement in the swinging community with her previous partner, but now was her chance to be that person for another couple.“In the past, I was always looking for a boyfriend or a husband, and my heart was always involved.

I wanted to know what it was like to have sex without those strings — and it was a very freeing experience.”Sarah was looking for commitment-free sex with the possibility of friendship.

We settled into conversation that felt natural and flirtatious, and ended the night with hugs and promises to make plans in the future. A solo date with the husband led to hurt feelings for the wife, despite our agreement that I'd hang out with both of them separately.

Are you looking for a connection or just some no-strings-attached sex?

Think you might be a good fit for a unicorn relationship?

I found it helpful to ask myself these questions and answer them as honestly as I possibly could before I put myself out there: When Sarah, 40, a unicorn I spoke with on the phone, got divorced, she wasn’t immediately ready for more commitment.“I needed some time to work on myself,” she told me.

Even in conversation, it felt good to be someone who could fulfill not just one person’s fantasy, but two at once.

But I quickly discovered that, like any type of dating, this arrangement can sometimes be complicated and confusing.




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